Sometimes it just hits. I have no idea why or what the trigger might be, but all I want to do is cry. We are nearly done now. Its been ten months since Drew was here with me. (well other than those 2 little weeks back in September) But none of that really matters when its 3 am, you've cried for hours and all you want is your husband back. Its weird that I can get upset or frustrated when I see a post on Facebook saying "I miss my husband so much he's been out of town all week." Sometimes I just want to scream, "Shutup I havent seen mine all year." But I know that is not fair and I am merely jealous. So tonight after wallowing in my self pity for hours I decided to write. Its probably not anything anyone cares to read... but it might help me get some sleep. I guess its the little things I miss the most tonight. The way we used to talk for hours and laugh at the stupidest things. The afternoons we spent playing mario brothers, teasing and harrassing each other the entire time. But I think what I miss most is just being held. I'm scared sometimes that this deployment has changed us so much that we don't know how to act any more. That we have tried so long to be strong and brave, that we dont know how to rely on the other for that moment we need it most. You learn to be strong. And you learn to say things like "you get used to it.", "Only two more months." and "I'm fine." But deep down I know we are both screaming "Not good enough I want her/him now!" So tonight I clinge to the memories and remember to get on my knees a little more than usual. I end this post with a video Drew made for me about a month ago. It has done more for me than he will ever know....... Hurry home my soldier.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOkkDBqkrrc
Sorry it wouldnt let me just download the video so I had to just use a link... If you cant see it and are interested just let me know.
