I consider myself a pretty strong person but this deployment is so much harder than I thought it would be. I dont write these words for attention but more for validation and if nothing else but to get it out. I work most days. Usually six days a week and feel that without my job I would be very lost. But every night is the same. I sit in front of my computer praying he will actually be able to call. Its like your life is on hold. You aren't single and dont even wanna live like you are, but you can't live without your husband.
Today at work we saw all these buses coming down the road. They were filled with Soldiers from Iraq returning for war. Everyone at work started cheering and without warning I starting crying and was unable to hide my emotions as I realized that my selfish soul couldn't even join the celebration but feel my own heartache to know it will be so long before my husband will be home.
I think one of the hardest realizations is that I dont have the support of other Army wives. It seemed so promising in the beginning but I quickly realized because I don't have children yet and I have a job that the support I need and long for simply isn't there. I always maintained that I don't know how someone could get through a deployment as a wife without a job or children to keep them busy. But it seems now that I am the one going without. Living off my husband without cause just seems insensitive if nothing else.
I knew this would be hard but I miss my husband so much more than I thought I would and I just dont know how to be happy without him!!!!! I simply HATE THIS deployment!!!! Drew might kill me for uploading this video but nothing else seemed to fit.....
